by Richard Timothy | Apr 25, 2010 | Gratefully Grateful, I Think There's a Point, It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, My List of Things that Don't Suck, Non-Fiction, Observationally Speaking, Public Service Announcement
I was going to post yesterday, but then I realized that today, or at the time tomorrow was going to be April 25. Yes 4/25, it seemed to be calling to me as the day that I should post my 100th Smirk. Oddly, posting number 100 on 4/24 would be like celebrating the New Years on the 30th instead of the 31st. If there ever was a day to share your 100th blog post with the world April 25 would be that day. Ok, fact is any day is a good day to post your 100th blog post. In my case, I was fine waiting a day so that could suggest that in some random numerological way, it meant something special, specialer… something whooo-ish. Truth of the matter is I just wanted to put the word numerological in one of my Smirks, because, well, it’s one of those words that always puts a smile on my face.
I know 100 is one of those important numbers in regards to television. I was never really sure why though. As it turns out when a television series hit episode 100 it is commonly the step required for a series to be considered for syndication in the US. I wonder if that means I’m now eligible for syndication in the US. Personally I think it’s a great idea (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
I have watched a few 100th episodes from various series and what I do remember is that these episodes were usually pretty lame. It seems to be the episode dedicated to the highlighting past highlights, or as I like to call it, the flash back episode. As a fan it always felt like the class review before the big test next week.
I do have a theory about this though. I think it equates to the “too drunk to work” effect that happens in all realms of the daily function that is commonly referred to as work, or “a job”. I would venture that I’m not the only one who has arrived to work in the morning only to be confronted by a co-worker with lava red eyes and a sway remnant of a slouching metronome. They have that goofy smile on their face, which is a smile usually reserved for things that are eventually placed under the “seemed like a good idea at the time” category of personal stories. Then out comes the utterance, “I think I’m still drunk from last night.”
I understand that there are plenty of situations that result in drunken celebration. Your favorite team wins some championship… or just some game. Your Avatar in some virtual gaming world finally completed some huge super quest that you’ve been doing for 18 months. Your kid finally said Dada. It’s Prom. Your neighbors with that little yappy dog that never shuts up finally moved. Or, the demon bird that has been attacking your bedroom window every morning from 6 to 10 has innocently spontaneously combusted, which had nothing to do with the strategically placed heat lamps, magnifying glasses, mirrors, and a plate of birdseed. Regardless, there are endless possibilities that can ignite the need for celebration during a week night, which, if you spacing sucks, might result in you arriving to work a little wobbly.
I think this is what traditionally happens for the 100th episodes. Everyone on the show was whooping it up the night before in celebration of reaching their 100th episode and arrive to work the next morning in a mental state that isn’t exactly fitting to the work that needs to be done. So the producer gets a few lines out of them and then they spend the rest of the recovering while the production team uses a bunch of old footage to compile the 100th episode. Of course this is base on my extensive lack of knowledge when it comes to the television industry, but it does make sense.
So the question is what to do for big number 100? I’m not 100% sure. I mean other than having it be a mathematically consistent day (Monk would be so proud) and using the word numerological in today’s Smirk I feel pretty good about what’s been covered so far.
I would like to say thank you to all of you who read my Smirks. Thanks for e-mails, the comments, the stories you share, for the friends you introduce my writing to, and for coming back to see what I’ve written this time and to see if it gets your Smirk on. That’s one of the unexpected results I’ve gotten from the past 100 posts. It’s been the interaction I’ve had with you, the readers. My perspectives and tangents may have gotten you to smile and laugh, but you replies and encouragement have definitely returned that experience to me.
I write a Smirk to get you to smirk, causing you to reply to my Smirk about you smirking thus causing your smirk to get me to smirk. It’s a kind of the circle of life, but instead of lions we have smile and laughter, oh yeah, and people.
I did make reference to this a little while ago on my fan page, but one of the things I’m going to be doing is making an eBook out of the first 100 Smirks. It will be a little while before I get it out and offer it to everyone. I do need to get a proofreader to clean up some of the messy bits, and I’ll have to figure out what to do with the video segments and images. Once all of that is figured out, it should be about 150 or so pages of pure reading pleasure. And if the eBook does well enough, I’ll see if I can get some print copies made, if there is enough interest from people who would like one. I’ll keep you posted as this whole thing develops.
I do have one favor though. I call it the “share me” favor. If you have any friends that you think might get a bit of a smile or laugh from my writing, please share me with others. As you know, part of my main goal with my writing is to bring joy and laughter to others. The more people I can reach and share with, the more I can accomplish this goal. Also, a big thank you to all of you who have emailed links to my blog to your friends, who have posted my Smirks on your Facebook walls, who have suggested you friends to me so I could invite them to check out my writing, and simply, for sharing me with your friends. I appreciate your trust and you support.
It’s been a brilliant time so far and I can’t wait until I get to do another highlight of Smirk highlights post for when I reach number 200. Although, I really didn’t highlight anything did I? Well, maybe next time. Oh and for the record, that damn bird is still around, but I promise that once it finally buggers off, there is going to be a party!
I do feel a toast is in order though. So everyone get a glass of something… wine, beer, gin, orange juice, water, whatever works best for you. Don’t worry I’ll wait… ok great. So now that we’re all here and with a drink in hand, please join me in raising you glass.
Here’s to the first 100 Smirks and to all the smiles, joy, and laughter they have put into the world… and to all of you for being that source and conduit of all that joy and laughter. Thank you all. Cheers!
What are your thoughts on Smirk 100?
Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: 100, thank you, cheers, drunk at work, and share.
![How about that Earth Day?]()
by Richard Timothy | Apr 23, 2010 | Gratefully Grateful, I Think There's a Point, Lightbulbs and Soapboxes, My List of Things that Don't Suck, Non-Fiction, Observationally Speaking
Is it wrong that for Earth Day I had a salad for lunch? I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, I was just hungry… just not terribly hungry. So it’s Earth Day. Um, go Earth! I’ve decided that for Earth Day that I would go ahead and anthropomorphize the Earth for a minute or two, which I’m pretty sure has never ever been done before. I even called my mom to make sure.
I think I’d like to start a campaign to rename planets and moons. According to NASA:
“The official names of planets and their moons are governed by an organization called the International Astronomical Union (IAU). The IAU was established in 1919. The IAU is the internationally recognized authority for assigning names to celestial bodies and any surface features on them.
The IAU recognizes that astronomy is an old science and many of its names come from long-standing traditions and/or are founded in history. With the exception of Earth, all of the planets in our solar system have names from Greek or Roman mythology. This tradition was continued when Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto were discovered in more modern times.”
In my opinion they are a little out of date. I’d like to see them with a more contemporary name. We go with names loosely based off of the 7 dwarves or possibly even the Smurfs:
- Change Mercury to Tiny
- Change Venus to Surfette… ok how about Neurotic … hmm, maybe Happy then.
- Change Earth to Lively
- Change Mars to Angry
- Change Saturn to Hoopy
- Change Uranus to Lazy
- Change Neptune to Hungry
- Change Pluto to Lonely
And for the Sun, I think we should all just call it Frank.
I’m not saying these are set in stone, except maybe the Frank thing, but it’s a smirk worth having.
The point being that the anthropomorphized Earth, let’s call her Ethel. Ethel is that one girl that you somehow had every class with that was brilliant, creative, breath taking, but has no idea how amazing she really is. Plus, she’s always really nice, except when she’s not. Also, when she’d go out with someone that was going to treat her like crap and take advantage of her, you’d always get really upset.
I like Ethel, actually I need to call it what it is and what it is, is love. I love Ethel. I can honestly say that if it was not for her I would not be here today. Yeah, I know, I could do those all day. For today though, I am going to share with you my Earth Day activity, and would invite you all try it after you finish reading today’s Earth Day Smirk.
First, go outside. Once there find a patch of grass, dirt, a tree trunk, something organic that is connected to the planet and touch it. If you are going to stand in the sand, grass, dirt, mud, whatever really. Do it barefoot. The point is establishing that connection between you and Earth… your skin against the Earth’s skin.
Then allow yourself to think about it. Don’t think about work, or dinner, or puppies, or your favorite Bee Gees song. Just take a minute to think about the Earth and the connection you are making with it at that moment. If you want to go longer than a minute, by all means take an hour if you want. Whatever is right for you is right for you.
This actually started as a result from a conversation I was having with a surfer in Washington State. He was one of those zenish, zenful… zennanite surfers? He was one of those “Surfing is Zen” people. In our conversation though, he brought up his practice of connecting to the Earth. When he was having a not so Zen day, he would go to the beach and cover himself with sand, and let that connection help him in feeling better. Does it really work? I did for him, and I’d dare say it does if you let it. Ultimately, it’s your choice.
It makes for a good Earth Day moment regardless. If you dig it, the nice thing about it is that you don’t have to wait until next year’s Earth Day to do it again. It’s all yours now, use it whenever you want. I do hope you give it a go and at least try it once. I know I appreciated it when I finally tried it. Besides if you do it barefoot there is always a chance that the grass might tickle your feet, so there is a definite chance you’ll get a giggle out of the whole thing… if you have ticklish feet that is.
Any groovy Earth Day moments you experienced this year?
Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: Earth Day, Pluto, Zen Surfer, and feet in grass.
![How about that Earth Day?]()
by Richard Timothy | Apr 22, 2010 | Confessed Confidentially, I Just Don't Get It, I Think There's a Point, My List of Things that Don't Suck, Non-Fiction, Observationally Speaking, Something I Know Nothing About
I’d like to say that this past weekend was a road trip, but I’m not sure it was, even though I spent 4 days on the road, and I don’t mean that in the Kerouacian way. It was fun. It was also very exhausting, a little uncomfortable, highly butt numbing, but still fun. I equate that to the company I was traveling with. You want some random relationship advice? When you meet someone you rather fancy and you are deciding on whether you want to take it to the next level or not, go on a road trip with them. The driving time should be a minimum of 10 hours to your destination and 10 hours back. If you still fancy them, or even mildly like them. It’s worth moving forward.
The reason I don’t really consider the trip a road trip is the adherence to a schedule and destination. I’ve always looked at road trips being 99% about the journey and 1% about the destination, which was not the case this past weekend. Our trip was predominantly about the destinations. Still there were a few things that did fall into the realm of the road trip.
I’m not sure why it is, but there are levels of trust and acceptance that happen on a trip of this caliber. These processes may seem insignificant, but there is something incredibly bonding about them. The first of these two steps happened maybe 6 to 8 hours into the trip. It was subtle and innocent and placed very properly at the end of a sentence. It was the first burp of trip.
Yeah, I don’t get it either. Being of the male persuasion, burping is a, well, a rite of manhood. Learning to burp the alphabet is how the team leader of kickball was decided during recess. He that could burp it the fastest got to pick first. I dare venture to say that this necessary function is viewed with a bit more reserve by your average woman.
It was impressive to notice the air lift in the car when the first burp accidentally escaped. It was that sigh of relief that the bond of friendship between everyone in the car had now reached the “burping is an acceptable activity to do around these people” step of road trip etiquette. Another thing I learned, in the confines of a small vehicle where the burp bonding portion of the trip is engaged, women find burping just as funny as men do. The key thing to point out is that these are unsolicited burps, meaning mostly accidental… which means people start drinking soda instead of water to make sure they have the opportunity to make their contribution to the burp bonding that is now in full stride. Cheers and congratulations are also implemented at this point. If a burp is expelled with purpose, volume, and vibrato the others, after the laughter has subsided, offer their verbal support with a “oh nice one”, “well done”, or “nice push.”
There is a natural progression to this venue of trust, openness, and bonding. There is something inherently accepting about arriving to that stage of comfort to allow your body to perform a very natural and necessary process of human existence. The pungent bodily produced aroma therapy designed for release and traditionally lit on fire by males ranging between 13 to 24 years of age is one of those defining moments in a relationship. Men commonly slip open first, but when a woman finally reaches that level where she can pass wind in front of a guy when she really has to let it out… let’s just say if you are not already living together, get ready to have that conversation.
Does that mean that windows were strategically rolled down and back up a minute later during our trip? Here’s what I can tell you about that… maybe. But, and this next bit is just for the guys, I did learn something about the female mind that I had no idea of until this trip. It’s a girl thing that I had never heard of before, but apparently, women are very conscious and weary about using your toilet early in the relationship. It‘s a very real relationship marker when a woman feels comfortable to finally use your lavatory. Who knew! Well obviously they did, but now we do too. It’s like finding out a secret that you were never supposed to know, like it was a Roswell aliens that were responsible for the assassination of JFK. Sure it’s a mute point to most men, but it’s also oddly fascinating.
I do have to say that the core road trip element of the entire trip occurred in Vegas, namely at Trader Joe’s. Trader Joe’s is the store that Whole Foods wishes it could be, but is just a little too posh and insincere to ever become. There is one key element concerning Trader Joe’s and it can be summed up in one word… wine. Cheap, yummy wine… ok so let’s make that three words.
Utah liquor laws are mostly silly, with a hint or two of mind lobotomizingly stupid. What does this mean? Easy, bootlegging! The art of smuggling alcohol across state lines to assist the never ending urge to completely fill your wine rack at home. I’m not sure why, but the true road trip framework always seems to have an illegal or walking the line of illegal element associated with it. Bootlegging wine from Nevada to Utah was our truly road trippian moment, and it was worth it! I had a glass of one tonight. Besides, it was only one case of wine. I very conservative run based on my bootlegging batting average.
The trip did result in me getting to know two friends a lot better. It was wonderful, and it left me loving my wife more that I did before we started the trip. But she’s one of those people that you can’t help but love more and more every day. So it really was a challenge or a surprise. All in all though, it was a grand and immensely successful trip.
Any road trip insights you care to share?
Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: road trips, burping, farting, and bootlegging.
![How about that Earth Day?]()
by Richard Timothy | Apr 21, 2010 | I Just Don't Get It, Non-Fiction, Observationally Speaking
If I had to choose a word to describe this morning it would be random. Not just random, but random random, as in random squared, actually make that obscurely random squared. In short it was a WTF morning.
I have a collection of Smirks started from the weekend and we’ll get to those in due time, but before I work on any of that you deserve to hear about this morning. To put it into a little context and to help clearly convey my mood, here‘s a quick overview of what the weekend was like.
- Friday 3 AM – got picked up and headed to California
- Friday 5 PM – got to hotel in California
- Saturday 9 AM – workshop started
- Saturday 6 PM – day 1 of the workshop ends
- Saturday 11PM – got to bed
- Sunday 9 AM – started last day of workshop
- Sunday 6 PM – day 2 of the workshop ends
- Sunday 8 PM-ish – started driving to Las Vegas
- Monday 2 AM – arrived at condo in Vegas and went to sleep
- Monday 12 Noon – visited corporate office and warehouse for tour for a company my wife and her friends are working with
- Monday 7 to 8 PM – left Vegas
- Tuesday 2 AM – got home
Yeah, so our schedule for the weekend was a little hectic and explains why I didn’t have a chance to get anything posted. Please note that the above schedule is a very proficient way of experiencing a very long weekend in a very short period of time.
So what could have possibly pulled my exhausted tush, along with the rest of me, out of bed this morning while at the same time winning the award of most bizarre wake-up call I’ve ever or will ever receive throughout this or any life. I bird… a damn robin for about three hours straight keep flying into our bedroom window. Yes repeatedly over and over again, for THREE hours. Starting at 6 AM and it was still going strong when I left the house to go to work at 9:30 AM.
Really? Yes Really! I only wish I was making it up. The bird would fly into the window, fall downward, loop back up, and do it all over again. After about three to four loops in a row it would fly over to the fence and rest for a minute or two. It almost felt like the bird had a snooze button. My only guess is that it was catching its breath before it started its next barrage.
We even opened the blinds, thinking that maybe the wood blinds had left it a little confused, but no that didn’t detour it at all. I mean I’m a fan of people and animals living together, and if you are going to kill something, make sure you eat what you kill… but this bird was making me lose perspective in a hurry. I wanted to get a tennis racket, open the window and just wait for that little bane to do its next fly by.
I don’t know if there is a catnip equivalent for birds, but based on this little robin’s actions I’m pretty sure it had exceeded the daily dosage recommendation. And for the record, if you happen to find yourself in this type of situation, don’t stand in front of the window the bird is attacking while brushing your teeth. If you are still waking up those little buggers come out of nowhere. I mean I cleaned it up, but that side of the room does have a minty fresh aroma now.
I mean I guess I could thank it for getting me up and off to work, but I don’t want to. I’m still a little grumpy about the whole thing. If it shows up again tomorrow, I’m going to get a “Hang in there!” kitty poster and make stick it on our bedroom window facing outward, as a kind of window scarecrow. And if that doesn’t work I just might go rummaging through the garage to find that old racket.
Any of you have any similar wake-up call experiences?
Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: wake-up call, bird hitting window, washing window, and hang in there.
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by Richard Timothy | Apr 15, 2010 | Gratefully Grateful, I Think There's a Point, Lightbulbs and Soapboxes, My Cutie Baby Sweetie Pie, My List of Things that Don't Suck, Non-Fiction, Observationally Speaking, Public Service Announcement, Reviewed and Recommended
So yesterday, I had managed to put together a few lines for a new Smirk plus an intro and rough outline for a new book and then… I went to a Biz Divas event, with special guest star Lisa Nichols. Yes Lisa was back in town and was speaking at another of my sweetie-baby-cutie-pie-wifey-pooh’s events. The Biz Divas is Angela’s networking and education company for business women and entrepreneurs. So when faced with the option of writing about the finer points of how to best review a Hollywood movie or sharing some of the points Lisa talked about the previous evening, well, let’s just say… take it away Lisa!
See had I actually recorded any of her presentation that would have been a perfect place to put it. I did take some notes though, and I do concede that now would probably be a perfect time for those. Funny thing about perfection, it’s a little more subjective than one might think. One person’s perfection is another person’s pa… something. I was hoping for another p word, but I’m not exactly sure which one fits the way I want it do. Hmm… problem, poppycock, picture frame, ooh how about placency, well complacency. There’s even a p in it and I think it works. Actually, I think I’m looking for the opposite of that word, something like anxiety… only with a p in it. I think I’ve made my… a point.
So when arrived at the event I was a bit bothered. Not because of the event, but because of work. Ok not exactly work, but I received a phone call at work from a Crap-Magnon, which is a lot like a Cro-Magnon except that they look like humans and sound like humans when they speak, but have not evolved to the point that they know how to speak with and be human. They reek of foul, vile energy and after talking to them for about one to two minutes tops, your skin begins crawling and a trigger in your brain that goes off that repeats over and over again that this is not a good person and you need to get away from them as soon as possible.
Even an hour after the call had ended I was still bothered that I had experienced such an intense black hole of negative energy. You could say it was the energetic equivalent of accidentally stepping into a pile of Great Dane pooh. The smell follows you around for a while and it takes a little time to get all of it off. Plus, you’re going to need a water hose to do it.
The water hose arrived when I walked into the event. The room was an energetic white hole, which is the opposite of a black hole… I looked it up. When I walked into the event the room was full of friendly faces, old friends, new friends, friends that will someday be friends, but as of yet we’ve still not met. It was the radiating positive energy of people there. It was light, kind, warm, and accepting. Also, because the room was full of people like that the energy just kept growing, and expanding outward. Five minutes after walking into that room any residuals from the Crap-Magnon caller were all gone. It was a good day and it was only going to get better. So a thank you to everyone there for that, and thanks for the smiles, the hugs, and the love.
Lisa’s presentation was grand, and it was a little different than last time I saw her. This time the focus was on business and some tips, suggestions… make that steps for people to mull through and start with to assist them with their own business. I did like this concept a lot. One of the things that make us all the same is the fact that we are all so different. When you share information designed to help others it helps to have multiple choices that people can choose from, because we’re not all in the same place. One person’s “eureka” is another’s “that was so last year.” Out of the 6 steps she shared there were individuals knowing that Step 1 was just for them while others cradled Step 2 as their “Yes, YES” and so on for each step shared.
Here are the steps Lisa gave, although if you get the chance to see her present these 6 steps I highly recommend you do so. Mainly because she has a brilliant entertaining personal story to go along with each step, and the presentation is definitely going to make you feel all warm and fuzzy.
- Step 1: Begin with the end in mind. It’s good to think about the process, but it just as important to know what the end result looks like.
- Step 2: Give yourself a thousand second chances. It’s not that your idea or dream didn’t work. It just didn’t work that time. Give yourself a second change, and then another, and another, and another. You get the point.
- Step 3: Get someone who is better than you to play with you. Get a coach and/or mentor for your business (art, music, writing, whatever it is you do), to motivate and encourage you, and to remind you that they were once were you are now, and are now were you want to be.
- Step 4: Give yourself permission to have what it is you say you want. If you have no respect for millionaires and think they are all evil and bad people, how can you become one? The more successful you are the more you can share your message and help others. Begin wealthy does not make you a bad person, it only amplifies the person you are.
- Step 5: Bring your family on the journey, but don’t drag them. And don’t wait for them. It is your vision, and you have to keep it going. Either they will support you or they won’t. What you need to do is keep moving forward.
- Step 6: Move from operating like a flood light to operating like a laser. Don’t try to do everything at once. Start with one or two things and focus on those. Once you get those down and they begins running on its own (or the event you planned is over, or the song you wrote is recorded, or the book you wrote is finished), focus on your next vision, idea, product, etc.
And that’s it… six steps. Find the one that speaks to you and own it… or don’t, in the end it’s always going to be your choice and no one else.
Which one was my “ah ha!” step? I think it was a mixture of 1 and 6, but mostly 6, mainly when it comes to my writing. I have already started four novels and only one is roughly finished. 
I get to finish that first book. Proofread, edited, revised, and submitted to publishers. Then it will be time to start working on the next one. I get to be more laser focused on completely finishing my first novel instead focusing on my writing like a puppy with ADD in a bouncy ball factory. Don’t worry though, I’ll keep Smirking as long as people are willing to read and happy to laugh.
It was a good presentation and a good night. Of course when Lisa is in the room, it always is. I wish you all could have been there. But since you couldn’t I guess it’s a good thing I took notes. Yay me!
Any thoughts on today’s Smirk?
Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: Lisa Nichols, 6 steps, rude people, hosing off shoes, and puppy with ball.
![How about that Earth Day?]()
by Richard Timothy | Apr 12, 2010 | Adolescent Shenanigans, Confessed Confidentially, I Think There's a Point, My List of Things that Don't Suck, Non-Fiction, Observationally Speaking, Something to Wine About, When I Was a Kid
So I had one of my best friends visiting from out of town this weekend, which is always a grand time. We have known each other since I broke his collar bone during recess in kindergarten and we’ve just sort of been friends ever since. Look, it wasn’t my fault. Ok, it was, but it was not intentional. I was 5 and I had just recently been introduced to the magical devices known as slides. It was a big slide too. It was your standard straight run slide with an accelerator hump half way down. It was steel, shiny, and obviously a gift from the gods. Apparently Zeus had shagged one of the locals and at some point blessed that child and all generations of that child with this brilliant gift of sliding perfection.
One of the things you could always count on in kindergarten was the b-line all the kids made to that slide once the recess bell rang. Kids would like climb up the two story ladder, which was probably about 6 feet up, but when you are only half the size of an adult Ewok a ladder that high is only about three steps shy of being able to grab the moon so you can use it to play catch. This slide was Mount Olympus, and then you got to the top you would look over all of the known world.
Apparently, on the day of the event I was a little imaginationly blinded. I saw the top of the slide as the one place on the planet that had to be at, as soon as humanly possible. If I was not on the ladder platform, the world was going to explode. The off switch was on the top of the slide platform and I was the only one who knew exactly where it was. I had to save everyone on the planet. So I pushed and stepped and climbed over, around and on the other kids climbing the ladder to the top of the slide so that I could get to the top. Once there I pushed the Cancel World Destruction button and saved the planet. Then I had to slide down before the platform dissolved making it impossible for anyone to ever push the Earth Self Destruct button ever again.
As my feet hit the ground I made an explosion noise and jumped away from the slide. I was safe! But something wasn’t right. There was a congregation of kids gathered around the slide, but none of them were trying to get on the slide. No, this was a group of kids trying to get a look at something that had just happened on the ground. When I got closer to see what was happening, I was greeted with a flank of little fingers pointing at me yelling, “You did it!” This was not the “Hooray you just saved us all” meaning of “You did it!” No, this was the “It’s all your fault.” translation accompanied by the finger of blame. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I did notice there was a kid lying on the ground a little dazed and a teacher was picking him up and rushing him to the small school building we had class in.
As I faced the horde of my peers taunting me with blame, and telling me I had just pushed Anson off the top of the slide, and that my teacher was going to find out, and that I would going to have to go to the principal’s office, and was going to get a spanking, and that they were going to call my parents and tell on me, I did what any hero who had just save all those people and the Earth would do, I started crying. Then I tried running away. The problem I discovered with being 5 and trying to flee the scene of a crime is… short legs. You can run has fast as you can, but you really don’t get that far.
Because I was the unintentional assailant of the whole affair part of my punishment was to face the person I had so carelessly pushed off the slide and apologize. I still claimed that I didn’t do it. I mean I honestly did not see him. The 30 eye witnesses saying contrary sealed my blame. So when my mom took me to see Anson and told me to apologize to him, I did it. No questions asked, whether I agreed or not.
Anson responded in the only way a 5 year old wearing a new cast knows how when confronted by another kid of the same age. He handed me a marker and let me draw on his arm sling. Our parents took this as a good sign that the apology was accepted, and we, not sure what apology really meant, were way past talking about broken bones and were now discussing the finer points of spaceship themed Legos. And it just sort of kept going from there. Now, 31 years later we’re still going strong, and I always try to make sure I buy him Legos for his birthday.
So now, since we has moved to Iowa to teach 3D animation, he has a sort of yearly ceremony where, when spring break rolls around he takes advantage of the off week and pops by Utah for a week of play, party, and possible parental visits. Meaning he possibly visits his parents if there’s time and not that he visits people that might possibly be his parents. He does have a lot of family in the area, so it’s always a good trip for him to catch up with friends and family. During this time my brother and I will always take at least one day (sometimes more) off of work to hang out and catch up.
There are always three things that always happen when he visits. One is that we go out and eat epic amounts of sushi for dinner one of the nights he in town. Second, we always watch at least one MST (or MST subsidiary). And last, we have a party. As it worked out, we were having the monthly wine party the same Saturday that he was going to be in town. Granted it worked out that way because we planned it that way, but when given the opportunity to go with a “happenstance” explanation vs. a “we planned it that way” explanation, I’m usually going to go with the “and it just so happened that…” version of the story.
The Anson wine party was brilliant, and I’m tickled with the new people that are becoming more regular wine party attendees. Although, I did experience a wine party first this past party. We actually had some wine left over. In the four or five years we’ve been doing it, it’s never happened. I mean sure there have been cases were there was one or two half bottles left by the time people were sober enough to drive home. But as it turned out, we had 5 unopened bottles left! When I got up Sunday morning I walked downstairs and saw the dinner table covered with wine bottles. Then, I noticed it. There was only one at first, but as I started examining the collection of empty bottles I found that there were 2, no 3, no 4, no 5… yes 5! There were 5 bottles of unopened wine. Ha ha ha. (Count von Count would be so proud.)
Traditionally the recommendation for our wine party is to bring a side dish to share and bottle of wine for people to try. This applies to couples and singles, meaning that if you come as a couple you bring a bottle and if you come alone you bring a bottle. What happened is that people were in a “let’s try wine” mood. Instead of one bottle per couple, we had each person bring a bottle. We even had one friend bring three bottles just from him, the little sweetheart. I tried too. We were all for trying every wine that graced our presence that evening, but I’ll tell you, after 16 bottles of wine, and one small bottle of 12 year old scotch we reached a universal “I’m done” point in the evening 5 bottle shy of completion.
As for the wine of the month, I believe I’m going to have to go with the 2007 Trapiche Broquel Malbec, although we did have a 2008 there as well. Both were yummy, but if given the choice, I recommend the 2007 over the 2008. It’s an Argentinean red wine that upon the first sip, asks your mouth if you’d like to dance the tango. I recommend that you speak for your mouth when this happens by nodding yes and then take another sip. After the third swallow of this wine your tongue will stop prancing around your mouth and begin to get the hang of the rhythm the wine and tongue need to make together to fully enjoy all of the flavors and depth that this wine brings to the table. At only $14 a bottle, it’s a fabulous wine for a very reasonable price.
I did have one kind of, sort of epiphany like thought during the night. One friend brought me a wine in hopes that I could save it. He claimed it was one of the worst wines he has ever tasted, ass wine if you will, and wanted it out of his house forever. He thought it was sacrilege to just dump it. So he was hoping I could work some of my drink mixing magic and get it to a point where people might actually enjoy drinking it. Well I do love a good challenge and after 2 lemons, some strawberries and pineapple, a hint of honey, and a handful of a cinnamon and sugar the wine abomination did become quite drinkable, in a “no too bad” kind of way.
Well when my little sister arrived someone handed her a wine glass that had a tiny bit of the pre-surgery ass wine. Her face, after tasting the wine, announced to everyone in the house that she agreed that it was one of the worst wines every made. The thing was that every other wine she tried that night was “fabulous” according to her. So this was my though, if you are sharing wine with someone who is trying to work their way up to drinking and appreciating more wine, a tiny sample of ass wine might be helpful. For the sheer fact that anything else you try the rest of the night is going to be so monumentally better that you sort of shock a struggling palate into appreciation. I think it could work, then again it just might be one of the “seems like a good idea at the time” ideas, and we all know how those usually end.
As with all my wine reviews, what are some of your wine suggestions? I’d love to hear them… the good I mean. Thanks.
Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: Trapiche Broquel Malbec 07, playground slide, running kid, save the world, broken collarbone, bad taste face, and bottles of wine.
I understand that there are plenty of situations that result in drunken celebration. Your favorite team wins some championship… or just some game. Your Avatar in some virtual gaming world finally completed some huge super quest that you’ve been doing for 18 months. Your kid finally said Dada. It’s Prom. Your neighbors with that little yappy dog that never shuts up finally moved. Or, the demon bird that has been attacking your bedroom window every morning from 6 to 10 has innocently spontaneously combusted, which had nothing to do with the strategically placed heat lamps, magnifying glasses, mirrors, and a plate of birdseed. Regardless, there are endless possibilities that can ignite the need for celebration during a week night, which, if you spacing sucks, might result in you arriving to work a little wobbly.
I would like to say thank you to all of you who read my Smirks. Thanks for e-mails, the comments, the stories you share, for the friends you introduce my writing to, and for coming back to see what I’ve written this time and to see if it gets your Smirk on. That’s one of the unexpected results I’ve gotten from the past 100 posts. It’s been the interaction I’ve had with you, the readers. My perspectives and tangents may have gotten you to smile and laugh, but you replies and encouragement have definitely returned that experience to me.
I do have one favor though. I call it the “share me” favor. If you have any friends that you think might get a bit of a smile or laugh from my writing, please share me with others. As you know, part of my main goal with my writing is to bring joy and laughter to others. The more people I can reach and share with, the more I can accomplish this goal. Also, a big thank you to all of you who have emailed links to my blog to your friends, who have posted my Smirks on your Facebook walls, who have suggested you friends to me so I could invite them to check out my writing, and simply, for sharing me with your friends. I appreciate your trust and you support.
I do feel a toast is in order though. So everyone get a glass of something… wine, beer, gin, orange juice, water, whatever works best for you. Don’t worry I’ll wait… ok great. So now that we’re all here and with a drink in hand, please join me in raising you glass.
