Weekend Wisdom Share Time

Weekend Wisdom Share Time

It has been a weekend of revelations, or at the very least a weekend of notable observations. One of the main ones being, wine does not a detoxifier make. Ok, so what happened was, on Saturday I went and got a massage on a Migun massage bed, which was groovy, happy, and relaxing. Not to mention that it helped release a number of toxins in my body. The problem being, one of the orders you are given at the end of your massage is to ingest copious amounts of water to help flush all of the new released toxins from your body. Not that this was a problem, the situation that occurred is that the evening encompassed this months wine party, which is essentially an anti-detox gathering.

So as a note to self, which I think you might find useful, using wine in an attempt to keep hydrated and to assist in flushing out the toxins released from a massage is one of those “Seemed like a good idea at the time.” But trust me, it’s not… well eventually it’s not. Throughout the evening though it did felt like a pretty good idea.

On an “Oh” topic, I did finally see Avatar this weekend. I main thing I learned about this experience was that going to a movie on Super Bowl Sunday kicks ass. There was hardly anyone in the theater. Angela and I got there 5 minutes before the movie started and still we got bloody great seats. There might have been maybe only 20 other people in the entire theater. It was grand. There was even a cute old couple in front of us. The old chap did nap out for a bit. I could hear him snoring for about twenty minutes. I think it was the explosions from the missiles being fired into the bid tree that woke him up. He jumped a little when it happened to, which really set the wrong mood. This huge tree is being blown up and I’m giggling because of this little adorable old man being exploded out of his nap.

Although, I will say this, in regards to being ordered to consume mass quantities of liquid, preferably water, over a three day period, going to see a three hour movie during the second day, after spending most of the morning drinking glass after glass of water, is not the wisest of decisions. Let’s just say I got a lot of exercise during the film from all the sprints I did running up and down stairs whenever the “need” arose. So today, I’m still trying to figure out if my legs are sore from all the running or are still residuals from the massage. It’s a toss up at this point. Although I would like to direct this one comment to Hollywood… if you insist on making epically long films, put in a damn intermission. You are doing a huge disservice to the bladders of movie going public all over the world.

I guess that’s it, oh yeah, um, something about the film… well out of all the movies I’ve ever seen it was definitely one of them. No, I mean, it was fine. I dug the respect life and nature message, and the “humans quit being bastards” message was equally clear and understood. Though it didn’t alter my world or the way I look at films, or affect me say the same way I Heart Huckabees or Stranger than Fiction did, but it was quite entertaining. I don’t think I’ll see it again. At least I have no plans on seeing it again, but plans are very fickle things. I’m definitely glad I saw it in 3D on the big screen though. So, you know, thanks James for sharing your opus. I’ll even check out the sequel.

There you have it, my bemused babblings of a basic and bobbingly brilliant weekend… almost Seussian you could say.

So any of you have any notable observations this weekend?

Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: Migun, old man sleeping, and Stranger than Fiction.

Weekend Wisdom Share Time

Polimirks, no… Smirkatics… That Might Work

I’m finally going to do it. I’m going to Smirk my way into the political realm. I have no intention telling people what to think, or how to vote. I’m a firm believer of getting your own opinions in regards to politics and then never ever share those opinions with anyone ever, unless of course, you are congregated with a group of like minded political projectionists.

There is one key element that I hope all people take from this, nurture it and make it your own. That is, if you get a mass forwarded e-mail about any political individual, delete it right away. Never read these. This is because 99.99982% of the time they are lies, and 100% of the times they are smear derived propaganda designed to manipulate you. I don’t care what politician they are about or what party they belong to, Republican, Democrat, Green, Independent, Constitution, Libertarian, Federalist, or what ever party Ralph Nader is getting paid to run for, they are all just an electric from of political toilet paper. It smears crap all over the place instead of cleaning anything up.

I remember getting a link to this video a few years ago. The message in the e-mail was to point out what politicians are like and that they are the same all over the world.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-QNAwUdHUQ]
Click here is the video does not load.

Sure it’s a fake, but I’ll admit that the first time I saw it I was open to accepting that it was a legitimate politician. Granted, this was during the Bush monarchy at the time and my perspective on political dialogue and responsibility was a bit negligent and cynical at the time. The generally accepted and expected media response during the time was to stick their fingers in their ears and start yelling, “LA la la la la la la.”

I’d like to point out that 90% of the people I have shown this video to still believe and concede that this video is of a legitimate politician, handing a political situation the way they would expect most politicians to behave. Yes 90%, which is a statistic that I just made up and has no validity or factual backing whatsoever.

The main thing that got me started on this whole topic was an e-mail I friend of mine sent me yesterday. It was a reply he had received from Utah congressman Jim Matheson. My friend’s response to Matheson’s reply was this:

“I love how hard Matheson tries to stay out of any debate that could be even remotely controversial, but this takes the cake. Carbon Monoxide? Who is pro-Carbon Monoxide?!? What about health care, or the wars, or ethics reforms, or banking regulation…. nope, not from Jim!”

Apparently Jim is leading the way in anti-Carbon Monoxide legislation. I mean sure, one might equate that traditionally the first rule of politics is to do your very best to not take a political stand on anything that anyone might be in opposition to… unless of course a lobbyist for some billion dollar corporation is giving you perks that assist you in making a firm stand that protects a corporation and shits on the people.

Yeah, so maybe I’m a little jaded when it comes to politics, but it’s not like they’ve done a lot of good for the people as of late. I get that there is the random noble act and attempted to make things better, but it seems that there are far to many black knights roaming the political landscape yelling that “None Shall Pass!” at every noble gesture that any attempt to make. So far, all of the black knights still have all of there arms and legs, and the search for the Holy Grail is still just an idea being sketched in a notebook belonging to Sean Connery.

Yeah sorry about that, I got caught up in a few to many pop culture references there. So back to Matheson, of course his big legislative push is going to be for anti-Carbon Monoxide. He’s representing Utah, a state so red that you’d think it were a baboon’s blushing ass. This is a state where we gauge our political successes based on whether any new liquor laws get passed that enable drinkers the same rights that drinkers in other states experience.

I suppose that fact that Matheson is attempting any type of legislation at all, says something. Personally, I think it says, “Hey, Facebook is down and I can’t play Bejeweled all day today. I wonder what I should do?” and thus birthed the anti-Carbon Monoxide legislation, but then again all of this is just my opinion. I feel it’s important to point that out, because, well, I don’t want some to get emotionally unstable and attempt to violate me for slanderous frumpiness.

My political battle cry… “Can’t we all just get along?” I hope someday we can, or at the very least we’ll be able to wave a friendly hello at each other from across a crowded Earth, and everyone will be ok with that.

What do you think?

Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: politics, fingers in ears, and Monty Python black knight.

Weekend Wisdom Share Time

Too Much Free Time at Work

There have been times during my years as a contributor to the workforce collective that work has gone a bit slow. For some reason customers just aren’t in the mood to make much of an appearance. But it’s not like you can go home. The business rule is that someone has to be there, you know, just in case. Just in case the planets align and a bus full or tourists pull up to the front of the store and everyone gets out and buts 15 of each items as gifts that they will be taking home to their family. Or just in case the local sporting event gets out and 15,000 fans feel the sudden urge to drive across town and go shopping you store because they all have a sudden desire to rent a video instead of going home and going to bed. You know just in case. Just in case it the catchphrase where all stupid and improbable possibilities go to die, but instead get cataloged as a list of potential realities, because, you know, just in case.

So there you and your coworkers stay, stuck in an environment were you have to pretend to look busy because everything you needed to get done was done three hours ago. The supervisor has either gone home, or if they are hourly, is in their back office playing solitary on the computer, while you wait out front hoping desperately for a customer to come in just to break up the monotony. Hell, you don’t even care if all they want is directions to a restaurant in the vicinity. At least it would be something to do.

Sometimes this “too much free time at work” syndrome, which I believe is the technical term for it, begins to birth a series of “seemed like a good idea at the time” ideas. Case and point, while working in a clothing store, on one exceptionally slow evening, I suggested to my co-workers that we have a cross dressed fashion show. All the blokes tried on the new line of women’s clothes and the women tried on the men’s clothes. It would have been fine too had one of us had the foresight to recommend we not all try on clothes at the same time. A customers appeared at the front doors and I was the only one not in the dressing rooms at the time. I felt a little funny walking up to her wearing a light blue full length skirt asking if I could help her. She was a good sport about it. I did tell her how comfy it was and highly recommended that she try one on. She bought two! She also suggested I might want to try the earth toned brown one instead of the light blue one next time though.

Occasionally though, one of these ideas becomes so enticing that you can’t help but start developing it into a full fledged working experiment. The plan is so intensive that you find yourself working on it while at work, realizing that not working at work can be a lot more work than actually working, but it’s not nearly as fun.

I started thinking about all they types of jobs that are out there that this type of situation might occur. I mean sure, department stores is an obvious one. The there is lawyer, or doctor, or librarian, or politician… yeah I could see it happening there as well, then again maybe you just start drinking more on the job instead. What about carnival workers though? Of course, that’s not even trying. How about a baboon trainer? Sure, I don’t see why not. It would seem that any and every job might carry with it the occasional down time where the “too much free time at work” syndrome. And sometimes the ideas are so grand that you just have to do it for the sake of seeing it done.

Here’s an example of what I mean… just look what can happen when sheep herders find themselves with a little “too much free time at work”:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw]

Click here if the video does not load.

Brilliance happens around us every day. Sometimes that brilliance is something as simple as sheep wearing led lights at night, but it becomes a type of magic in its own right. And to you skeptics, let me borrow a few words of one Mr. Pratchett, who once wrote, “Just because you know how something is done doesn’t mean it’s not magic.”

What have been some of your best ideas as a result of “too much free time at work”? What is your ratio of these ideas that have fallen into the “seemed like a good idea at the time” category? For me, it’s probably about 50 to 1, but that might be a bit conservative.

Image Source:
Google Images, key words: bored at work and baboon training.

Weekend Wisdom Share Time

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

“It seemed like a good idea at the time.” It’s our unifying cry every time anyone attempts, well anything that does not go according to plan. I’ve personally lost track of how many times I’ve said it myself. It’s such a common human experience that I can’t imagine anyone has ever attempted to count their personal use of that phrase.

My most recent encounter with this phrase happened this past weekend. I was having a chili and Eddie evening with some friends. The evenings have been growing more and more chilled as of late. So I planned a little eve with some dear friends that included me cooking my homemade chili, which could technically be defined as more of an Italian bean stew. Regardless, it was perfect. A hardy and filling soup that warmed you up on a cold pre-winter night.

Along with the meal we enjoyed some wine, which only added to our inner warmth. Some friends did bring beer though; unsure if wine and chili made the type of flirtatious combination they were willing to try. The evening also consisted of all of us gathering together in front of the television to watch my Eddie Izzard’s Dressed to Kill stand-up DVD. Over half the people there had not seen it before, which is why it was the mandatory viewing for the evening.

And to those of you who have not seen this, go out right now and rent it, buy it, put it on the top of your Netflix queue, what ever you have to do, do it! Because it is one of the funniest and most brilliant comedy routines I have ever seen… unless, of course, you have a deep rooted abrasion to the f word, then sadly, you should probably skip it.

Right, so you might be wondering were “the phrase” comes into play. Well, up to that point, is was a night of fabulous food and wine, and two hours of giggling, chuckling, and open-mouth-whole-body-shaking laughter. Hell, we even had a few snorts, which personally just made me laugh more. It wasn’t until after Eddie that our evening experienced the “good idea.”

When it was brought up, it was just too Steinbeckian to believe. And I knew! Right after they said it I knew it was a bad idea. I even relayed Doc’s experience in Cannery Row in an attempt to express that others thought it was a bad idea too. But sometimes, sometimes there are things that truly do seem like a good idea at the time, regardless what others might tell you. My friends were determined, and so began the beer float portion of our evening.

Here’s what was used:

  • 1 bottle of Guinness
  • 1 tablespoon of Hershey Chocolate Syrup
  • 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream

I did admire their uninhibited jump into the unknown of flavorful possibilities. I also appreciated their determination to ignore my warnings and try it anyway. Everyone that tried it responded with that involuntary facial distortion, which is natures way of telling you something is too sour, too strong (like a shot of high octane liquor), or just plain bad. It was like watching a group of little kids tasting lemons for the first time.

It was after one friend’s second attempt at tasting the beer float that I heard them whisper, “Well, it did seem like a good idea at the time.” It was that last attempt to remain optimistic while at the same time admitting defeat.

After everyone agreed that they couldn’t stomach another taste, I threw the leftovers into a blender, added some more ice cream, a shot of Bailey’s, and a shot of some type of coffee flavored liquor and made everyone a beer milkshake, cause, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Everyone did give it a try though. I even tried it and you all know how I feel about coffee flavors.

I didn’t like it, but to my surprise everyone drank almost all of their beer shake. Even the ones who had tried the beer float said it wasn’t that bad. I’m not sure that counts though. That’s like taking a bite out of a tomato injected with rubbing alcohol and then following it up with a shot of Tabasco sauce and a vodka chaser and saying, “That’s really not that bad.” I mean, sure it’s nice that you are being complementary, but let’s face it, after trying something that assaults every taste bud you have, anything you taste after that is going to be a vast improvement. Hell, you’d probably say a Pop Tart dipped in mustard “…isn’t that bad” after trying something like a beer float… or rubbing alcohol tomato.

It’s been four days now since the beer float, and everyone’s palate has rebooted from the experience, every time I mention “beer float”, my friends experience an uncontrollable shiver and make that “eahhh” sound, while shaking their head from side to side.

That’s life for you though, some times trying something new, like Eddie for example, is going to leave you laughing the rest of your life. I always get a smirk on my face whenever I think of “Cake or Death?” Then there’s, well, beer floats and to that let’s just say, “lesson learned” even if it did seem like a good idea at the time.