![My Christmas Miracle]()
by Richard Timothy | Dec 29, 2009 | Holiday Banter, I Think There's a Point, Observationally Speaking
A miracle is, according to dictionary.com, an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause. There is also the additional addendum to this definition that includes linking said events to some form of deity. The thing I find the most interesting about this is that the term miracle seems to carry with it a positive connotation, even when the negative is the more miraculous. Interestingly if a miracle causes bad things to happen, it’s usually referred to as a coincidence and nothing more.
Case and point, look at tornadoes. One might come down and out of all the open areas in Kansas where they could land the tornado destroys a field of crops next to a farm house but misses the farm house completely, or it changes it direction from heading straight into some small town. This is a miraculous event. Likewise, isn’t it just as much of a miracle if the tornado hits the farm house and doesn’t destroy the field of crops next to it, or if the tornado changes direction at the last second and destroys a small town when it was originally going to miss it completely? Based on the definition I’d say both are miracles, its just that one is a shitty miracle, and the other is more of your traditional happily ever after miracle because nothing and no one was hurt, killed, maimed, or destroyed.
I’m not meaning to harsh anyone’s buzz; I just want to point this out so that when I explain my Christmas miracle, you’ll understand why I’m calling it a miracle, even though some might consider just a coincidence.
So as Christmas day at my parent’s house sauntered into the “it’s time to go home” hour, my brother and his family headed home. As we gathered our things and packed up the car we realized that a fondue power cord mix-up resulted in my cutie-baby-sweetie-pie-wifey-pooh and I needing to head over to my brother’s house to exchange the misplaced cords.
As we drove down the side streets of the tract home neighborhood Angela told me to watch out for the animals in the middle of the street. About half a block down the street I saw a collection of fluffy movement, and began slowing down the car. As we got close enough to clearly see what was happening I stopped the car completely. I blinked twice. I looked at Angela and then back to the scene unfolding before us.
“You see that too?” I asked.
Angela nodded. Standing in the middle of the ice packed road was a standoff between a white cat with some orange spots, and a white rabbit, with some orange spots. The cat’s back was arched in that “pissed off and ready to attack” way. The rabbit just stood there, wiggling its nose and waiting for the cat to make its move.
Odder still was the fact that both the cat and rabbit had back up. Standing on the side of the road, behind the rabbit was another rabbit, which looked a lot like the first one, same color scheme I mean. And behind the cat standing next to a fence by the sidewalk was another cat, sharing the first cats same color scheme.
It was as if we drove into some obscure animal kingdom reenactment of West Side Story. Although, seriously, what would you get if you crossed a rabbit and a cat… a cabit I guess, or maybe a rabat. I’m just it would fall just into the same realm as a jackalope or wookalar. Then again maybe it wasn’t West Side story at all. Maybe it was two gangs of cute fuzzy creatures about to rumble for the sake if proving which creature would win the right to wear the white and orange gang colors. Crazy adorable fluffy animal gang warfare during Christmas, I swear, don’t these mammals have any respect for human tradition and holidays? Rude little varmints!
So before an more bunny nose wiggle taunts could be made or any foul mouthed cat hisses could be, well, hissed, I revved the engine and clicked my brights on and off a few times causing just enough of a scene that both parties retreated ran back to their own side of the street. As we drove past I rolled down my window and yelled at both of them, “You two play nice, it’s Christmas damn it.”
And that was it. That was my Christmas miracle. No, not the cat vs. rabbit stand off in the middle of the street bit. For all I know maybe that happens all the time. Maybe they are sworn enemies. No, what I mean is actually seeing it. To be one of two humans on Christmas night to see the first rehearsal of Bugs and Sylvester’s production of West Side Story for the fluffy woodland creature kingdom in Utah is more than amazing… it’s a miracle!
Call it a coincidence if you want, but I’m sticking to my story. Sure it might sound a little odd. Sure it has a bunch of personal interpretation of what I thought was happening verses what was really happening with the animals involved. Hell, maybe the cats were just trying to score a little catnip from the rabbits. Regardless of the reality, miracles are all about the perspective of the person telling the story, and I’m telling you, as Elvis is the king, as Lennon is the walrus, as Popeye is the sailor, this was a bloody miracle.
So, did you witness any miracles on Christmas or during this holiday season? What are your thoughts on the miracles of bad outcomes?
Images Sources:
Google Images, key words: rabbit and cat, driving at night on snow, miracle, jackalopes, and catnip.
by Richard Timothy | Dec 23, 2009 | Holiday Banter, I Think There's a Point, Observationally Speaking, Public Service Announcement
With the holiday season well underway I am now starting to get a flux of the Happy Holidays cards and eCards. These cards vary in their themes and messages. Some cards have the traditional Peace on Earth and Good will towards Men (and women, and transgenders, and puppies, call center agents that really are not calling to piss you off but are calling because it’s the only job they could find and they have bills to pay too you know, and small fairytale creatures, and pygmies, and so on). Other messages suggested we forget peace on earth and goodwill towards men and play with a clockwork train instead.
I’ve received a few nativity cards, two of which were identical and from the same family name. It made me wonder if somebody’s kid was selling them for a school fundraiser or something like that. My guess is that the kid went to all their aunts and uncles for support and they bought the same cards. Or… the kid’s parents were really competitive and wanted their child to take first place in some holiday card selling competition. So they bought a bunch of cards and then gave as Christmas gifts to all their siblings last year… which, by the way, is a crap gift.
If you have done this, send an apology to everyone you gave card sets to. And if you are are planning on doing this, stop right now! Sure the recipients might smile and say thanks, but under their breath they’re probably going to call you a cheap mother ffffluffer, yes fluffer. You know, the people that work at department stores fluffing display pillows to attract the types of people that believe every possible space in a home where one might place their butt should be accompanied by a pillow. Besides, it also means that all of these friends are going to be sending you the same damn holiday card for the next five years.
I have gotten quite a few Winter solstice and Yuletide cards this year. All of which were made with recycled paper or would have been had a few of them not been eCards. I think the eCards still had that little recycled symbol on them though. Pagans love their symbols, but then again so does everyone else. Not that the recycle symbol is pagan in origin, but the message of reuse instead of waste, and caring for the planet seems acutely pagan. All the recycle bins around the world are the new pagan alters trying to get humanity back to their roots! Woo Hoo! Pagans! Wooo! Sorry about that, but I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for pagans. I mean they are singlehandedly responsible for all of the religious based holidays… well most anyway. And crap Hallmark holidays like Bring your Daughter to Work Day, Secretary’s Day, National Doctor’s Day, Flag Day, or Citizenship Day don’t count either. Hell, they don’t even count as real holidays.
I did get one Hanukkah themed card so far this year, which my friend decided to write in Yiddish. I thought it was a sweet gesture. Gut Yontiff to you as well. As for Kwanzaa, sadly no, no cards yet this year, but I am thinking of buying one and sending it to myself just for the inclusionary factor, but I’ve heard that’s cheating.
Now, I have heard on more than one occasion people proclaiming their annoyance that the other December holidays are infiltrating and taking the Christ out of Christmas. Posh! If you are one of these types of Christians celebrating Christmas, then hey, look at that, there it is… Christ right at the beginning of the word Christmas. Who knew? This complaint usually comes as a result of people getting all butt hurt when a local store, airport, city building, or likewise puts up a Happy Holidays sign instead of the Merry Christmas sign they use to put up.
I would like to say though, that if you are the type of person that is getting all bent out shape because some place replaced your singular holiday greeting with a more universal holiday greeting that still includes your holiday, well then you are bit of a douche and personally responsible for making baby G cry. Seriously, what kind of person does that? And to you people that are that way, let me just tell you, “NO! Bad human. No!” and you should really be smacked on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
The mistake that these Happy Holiday anger balls are making is that the term is not diminishing anyone’s Christmas or sentiment about it. Happy Holidays is an inclusive term, meaning everyone. Not to mention, it allows for a level of personal laziness. Happy Holidays is a simple phrase that lets you to wish happiness and joy to someone without having to take the time to get to know them well enough to have the “What do you believe” conversation. Or at the very least, having to remember what they said when you did have that conversation. Because in my experience that conversation usually happens when there is a lot of alcohol involved. Also, using this phrase enables you to avoid guessing what others believe who might get pissing off if you guess wrong.
I personally dig this time of year. The food banks get restocked, and the homeless shelters get new blankets and clothes to help their fellow people who are experiencing hard times. People not only say they want peace on earth and good will towards others, they actually practice it. Sadly, the season usually ends in a drunken evening were everyone wakes up the next day with a hangover and a new year staring them in the face. I think the mass alcohol consumption causes most people forget about the humanity movement they were taking part in during the past month. But it only takes about 11 months and people start to remember they good feeling they got from helping others and start doing it again. You may call this sad, but it is 1 out of 12 is a lot better than 0 out of 12.
So, Happy Holidays to all of you and if this time of year doesn’t hold a holiday you care about or that applies to you personally, just make one up. That’s what I usually do. Its fun, its easy to do, and it doesn’t cost anything. Not to mention, if it results in the exchange of fresh baked goods between friends, family, and/or neighbors, well, that’s just pretty damn groovy.
What are your thoughts on this whole Happy Holiday thing?
Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: Happy Holidays, Hanukkah, nativity, Happy Solstice, all holidays together, and cookies.
A miracle is, according to dictionary.com, an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause. There is also the additional addendum to this definition that includes linking said events to some form of deity. The thing I find the most interesting about this is that the term miracle seems to carry with it a positive connotation, even when the negative is the more miraculous. Interestingly if a miracle causes bad things to happen, it’s usually referred to as a coincidence and nothing more.
So as Christmas day at my parent’s house sauntered into the “it’s time to go home” hour, my brother and his family headed home. As we gathered our things and packed up the car we realized that a fondue power cord mix-up resulted in my cutie-baby-sweetie-pie-wifey-pooh and I needing to head over to my brother’s house to exchange the misplaced cords.
Angela nodded. Standing in the middle of the ice packed road was a standoff between a white cat with some orange spots, and a white rabbit, with some orange spots. The cat’s back was arched in that “pissed off and ready to attack” way. The rabbit just stood there, wiggling its nose and waiting for the cat to make its move.
It was as if we drove into some obscure animal kingdom reenactment of West Side Story. Although, seriously, what would you get if you crossed a rabbit and a cat… a cabit I guess, or maybe a rabat. I’m just it would fall just into the same realm as a jackalope or wookalar. Then again maybe it wasn’t West Side story at all. Maybe it was two gangs of cute fuzzy creatures about to rumble for the sake if proving which creature would win the right to wear the white and orange gang colors. Crazy adorable fluffy animal gang warfare during Christmas, I swear, don’t these mammals have any respect for human tradition and holidays? Rude little varmints!
