With the holiday season well underway I am now starting to get a flux of the Happy Holidays cards and eCards. These cards vary in their themes and messages. Some cards have the traditional Peace on Earth and Good will towards Men (and women, and transgenders, and puppies, call center agents that really are not calling to piss you off but are calling because it’s the only job they could find and they have bills to pay too you know, and small fairytale creatures, and pygmies, and so on). Other messages suggested we forget peace on earth and goodwill towards men and play with a clockwork train instead.
I’ve received a few nativity cards, two of which were identical and from the same family name. It made me wonder if somebody’s kid was selling them for a school fundraiser or something like that. My guess is that the kid went to all their aunts and uncles for support and they bought the same cards. Or… the kid’s parents were really competitive and wanted their child to take first place in some holiday card selling competition. So they bought a bunch of cards and then gave as Christmas gifts to all their siblings last year… which, by the way, is a crap gift.
If you have done this, send an apology to everyone you gave card sets to. And if you are are planning on doing this, stop right now! Sure the recipients might smile and say thanks, but under their breath they’re probably going to call you a cheap mother ffffluffer, yes fluffer. You know, the people that work at department stores fluffing display pillows to attract the types of people that believe every possible space in a home where one might place their butt should be accompanied by a pillow. Besides, it also means that all of these friends are going to be sending you the same damn holiday card for the next five years.
I have gotten quite a few Winter solstice and Yuletide cards this year. All of which were made with recycled paper or would have been had a few of them not been eCards. I think the eCards still had that little recycled symbol on them though. Pagans love their symbols, but then again so does everyone else. Not that the recycle symbol is pagan in origin, but the message of reuse instead of waste, and caring for the planet seems acutely pagan. All the recycle bins around the world are the new pagan alters trying to get humanity back to their roots! Woo Hoo! Pagans! Wooo! Sorry about that, but I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for pagans. I mean they are singlehandedly responsible for all of the religious based holidays… well most anyway. And crap Hallmark holidays like Bring your Daughter to Work Day, Secretary’s Day, National Doctor’s Day, Flag Day, or Citizenship Day don’t count either. Hell, they don’t even count as real holidays.
I did get one Hanukkah themed card so far this year, which my friend decided to write in Yiddish. I thought it was a sweet gesture. Gut Yontiff to you as well. As for Kwanzaa, sadly no, no cards yet this year, but I am thinking of buying one and sending it to myself just for the inclusionary factor, but I’ve heard that’s cheating.
Now, I have heard on more than one occasion people proclaiming their annoyance that the other December holidays are infiltrating and taking the Christ out of Christmas. Posh! If you are one of these types of Christians celebrating Christmas, then hey, look at that, there it is… Christ right at the beginning of the word Christmas. Who knew? This complaint usually comes as a result of people getting all butt hurt when a local store, airport, city building, or likewise puts up a Happy Holidays sign instead of the Merry Christmas sign they use to put up.
I would like to say though, that if you are the type of person that is getting all bent out shape because some place replaced your singular holiday greeting with a more universal holiday greeting that still includes your holiday, well then you are bit of a douche and personally responsible for making baby G cry. Seriously, what kind of person does that? And to you people that are that way, let me just tell you, “NO! Bad human. No!” and you should really be smacked on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
The mistake that these Happy Holiday anger balls are making is that the term is not diminishing anyone’s Christmas or sentiment about it. Happy Holidays is an inclusive term, meaning everyone. Not to mention, it allows for a level of personal laziness. Happy Holidays is a simple phrase that lets you to wish happiness and joy to someone without having to take the time to get to know them well enough to have the “What do you believe” conversation. Or at the very least, having to remember what they said when you did have that conversation. Because in my experience that conversation usually happens when there is a lot of alcohol involved. Also, using this phrase enables you to avoid guessing what others believe who might get pissing off if you guess wrong.
I personally dig this time of year. The food banks get restocked, and the homeless shelters get new blankets and clothes to help their fellow people who are experiencing hard times. People not only say they want peace on earth and good will towards others, they actually practice it. Sadly, the season usually ends in a drunken evening were everyone wakes up the next day with a hangover and a new year staring them in the face. I think the mass alcohol consumption causes most people forget about the humanity movement they were taking part in during the past month. But it only takes about 11 months and people start to remember they good feeling they got from helping others and start doing it again. You may call this sad, but it is 1 out of 12 is a lot better than 0 out of 12.
So, Happy Holidays to all of you and if this time of year doesn’t hold a holiday you care about or that applies to you personally, just make one up. That’s what I usually do. Its fun, its easy to do, and it doesn’t cost anything. Not to mention, if it results in the exchange of fresh baked goods between friends, family, and/or neighbors, well, that’s just pretty damn groovy.
What are your thoughts on this whole Happy Holiday thing?
Google Images, key words: Happy Holidays, Hanukkah, nativity, Happy Solstice, all holidays together, and cookies.
You are hillarious! Thanks for sharing!
I really enjoyed this particular Smirk… Especially the bit about “Happy Holidays” as a lazy shortcut… Knew there was a reason it has been sneaking into my vocab….