I’ve heard this saying for years, and at times I myself have said it to others. As a philosophy, it makes absolutely no sense. I think that if people feel that way about their life it is a result of their own poor choices, which is solely their fault and then need to own that and move past it. If they try to compare their grass to someone else, then that is clearly one of the key problems they suffer from and need to work on.
Today though, I am referring to this saying in a very literal… archaic translation, but literal all the same. Instead of literal, let’s go with a loose translation. I’ll get to that literal portion in a minute. The thing is, I hate yard work, and by hate I mean hate hate. Much in the same way Attila the Hun hated people telling him to use a napkin and utensils when he would eat. Yard work has always been that daunting task that loomed overhead when the weekend rolled around. This included things like weeding, trimming trees, planting flowers, edging, and the always tedious mowing of the lawn.
I don’t mind the outdoors, and I’m always fascinated by the raw beauty of nature. It’s just as a participant there in I usually try my best to stay clear of direct sunlight when I’m experiencing nature due to a skin condition. I believe the Latin’s call it sunburnus alloverus easilus. The invention of SPF enriched goo’s and creams have helped legions of people with the same skin condition exist and interact more in naturesque shade-free areas. I mean what did we have before that? Coconut oil, and all that did was make you smell really good when you would get sun cooked while wearing it, causing those less evolved and nostril motivated to want to eat you.
I know that for some, yard work is the cat’s meow, the marshmallow in your rice crispy treat, or the Bailey’s in your White Russian. It’s like seeing a bear in its natural habitat… a Studebaker. (I watched the Muppet Show recently and have been wanted to use that line ever since.) I for one am very grateful for people like that. Mainly because it allows me to hire someone to do something they love, so that I can avoid doing something I hate. It’s a rather brilliant exchange, one of which I have just started to partake in after all these years of begrudgingly working in the yard. It’s clear my yard knows how I feel about caring for it. It’s clear to everyone on my block, because it’s burned, withered, and tarnished. So believe me when I tell you that in my neighborhood the grass really is quite literally greener on the other side of the fence.
Now some people might consider yard work one of those must dos when they become a home owner. It might even be one of those relationship expectations, commonly expected to be completed bi-weekly by the more masculine in the relationship. Well if that’s the case, I say put a bow in my hair and call me Ethel. Fortunately my cutie-baby-sweetie-pie and I share the intense abrasion toward working on, in, or around our yard. So with our new yard guy it’s amazing how joyous we have become by simply giving that task to someone else who is happy to do it.
It removes any grumbling about mowing the lawn, or “I did it last week, it’s your turn this week” or any pointless petty conversations that can arise because we both feel the same way about yard work. Some might grumble about the cost, but seriously $60 a month for not only peace of mind, but the joy that comes with the knowledge that you don’t have to do it is more than worth it. Besides, the 2+ hours it would take me to work on the lawn is now 2+ hours I can spend working on my book(s), or even writing a weekend Smirk for others to read and get a giggle or two from.
If you hate yard work as much as I do, hire it out, trust me on this. You will be amazed at the joy it can bring into your life, and you’ll thank you, the person you hire will thank you, your partner will thank you, and your lawn will thank you, which is a lot of thanks for a relatively simple and effective solution.
What are you feelings about yard work?
Google Images, key words: grass is greener, tan lines, Fozzy in Studebaker, and jumping for joy.
Edging. Seems simple enough, find the edge of the lawn and keep a steady line while taking a stroll down one end of the lawn up the other. NO! you accursed fowl piece of two-in-one eco-hellish demon spawn of mans creation, it is by far the most difficult tedious damn chore EVER! And a big F.U. to Craftsman Lawn Tools for engineering a weed-eater and edger in the same damn contraption!
It is supposed to be as simple as pressing the button on the end and pulling the weed-eater attachment off, and then easily slipping the other edger head on. But, no! I can’t seem to press the metal button down enough to slide the piece off, because dirt or some other object has somehow found its way up inside the machine and now I have to bang it out with a wrench-or whatever metallic and heavy object my furious hands can find in the shed.
So after a heated exchange- I mean quite literally heated as the temperature outside this day was 98 and the heat index sweating out around 104-I finally get the damn thing to snap off and the other wretched thing to slide in and I am off to edge. Sit edger blade in desired spot, pressed on the trigger and OFF IT GOES IN EVERYTHING BUT A STRAIGHT LINE!
It looked a bit like this. —____—____–__—_____——-
The reason it went on longer than I wanted it to is due to two things. First, I could not believe this was happening. Second, the *manliness* was destined to aligned the blasted thing and by the time the manliness had drained from my ego well, well, you can see the results.
Nice *political* resolution to your Lawn-Duty. I, myself, would do the same, but this lawn care has become a grudge between man vs lawn machine that I am unwilling to just let go off. No…this is not over…the grass might be greener, my friend. But, at my house, its also jagged, scorn and victimized by my efforts to maintain it.
Hire it out Scott… let someone else fight that battle for you 🙂 It’s like you are the general and you get to choose who does the grunt work that you feel is a time suck for you. Granted if you yard work in an attempt to fill your own personal quota of profanity in a week, and you feel a sense of accomplishment by doing so, then bay all means, mow on my friend… mow on!