by Richard Timothy | Jan 5, 2010 | Adolescent Shenanigans, I Think There's a Point, When I Was a Kid
I was talking to my brother last night, and apparently his oldest kid has been working on a science fair project for school. During the course of the conversation, I was told about the list of restrictions the school gave my nephew in regards to him displaying his project. Turns out when it comes to science projects, all the school really wants is a 2D visual display showing pictures and what the outcome was. It seems the era of presenting your experiment in front of teachers and students is mostly over. At the very least it’s being reserved for college students that are required to present their dissertation to a panel of fellow scientists.
I was a little saddened by this. I have fond memories of the science fair. There were always at least 4 kids in each class that made a baking soda volcano and there was always the Styrofoam copy of the solar system… poor Pluto. We hardly knew ye.
We then started thinking about some of the science projects we either did or saw while in or elementary years. I remember the science fair was required for each 4th, 5th, and 6th grade kid. The thing was once we completed our science project at home, we had to bring it to class and give a working presentation to all our peers. I think this was to make sure the kids actually learned something about the project their parents either helped with, or completely did for them… depending on the kid, or, more often than not, the parents.
Still, in looking back, there were some things that… let’s just say I’m amazed what we got away with. Case and point, one girl did a presentation on the evil, wicked, mean, and bad, and nasty chemicals that the human body takes in from smoking cigarettes. The experiment consisted of the presenter starting their presentation by opening all of the windows in the classroom. Then she reached into a plastic bag and pulled out a new, unopened pack of cigarettes and lit up.
No, she didn’t personally start smoking. Instead, she put the cigarette in a little make shift device made out of an empty 2 liter bottle of soda. She then squeezed on the sides of the bottle and it essentially smoked the cigarette for her. So there we were, 25+ kids sitting at our desks while a plastic bottle smoked an entire cigarette. But it was fine see, because we avoided any health risks by opening the windows before hand. She then showed the class all of the discoloration that had seeped into the once white filter. We clapped, and she placed her smokes and smoking bottle in a box and went back to her chair.
Just so were all clear on this, the presentation for the experiment consisted of her smoking an entire cigarette in the classroom filled with 5th graders via an empty 2 liter bottle! Yes, feel free to insert any expletive you feel is fitting at this point.
Now let’s talk about my 6th grade science project. I didn’t have cable growing up. I only had three channels, ABC, CBS, and NBC, and that was it. Although, occasionally I did go to a friends house after school to watch Danger Mouse and You Can’t Do That on Television on Nickelodeon. It was during one of these after school viewings that I came across Bill Nye the Science Guy who was doing a presentation on density.
I thought it was fascinating, but only because he had a cylinder of four different liquids that were all different densities and thus had four different layers of liquid in the same container. Then he would drop random objects into the cylinder that would float on the different levels of liquid. It didn’t really get it at first, but it was cool to watch.
I wanted to do a reenactment of Bill’s experiment for my science project. So I talked to my dad about it, and he agreed to help out. It consisted of getting 15 one inch wood squares that were a variety of different densities. Then I collected the four liquids of different densities. Here’s how it broke down, one cup of mineral spirits, one up of water, one cup of cooking oil, and one cup of liquid mercury… yes, liquid mercury.
I was a 12 year old that had access to a vial of liquid mercury. I got to take to school, unsupervised, and show all my friends. We even played with it in our hands before and after I cleaned up my presentation… because liquid metal when you are 12 is just pretty damn cool. And no, I did not wear any protective gloves… I was 12. The finer points of how liquid mercury could possibly kill me if I handled it wrong was sort of lost on me.
And on top of it all off, was I was answering questions about my project, I… maybe it was the mixture of chemicals and the potent odor they gave off, maybe it was from playing with the mercury, but after the second question was asked, I got out about three words out and then hit the floor. Yes, I fainted mid sentence.
I did get third place out of the entire school that year though. I’m not sure if my fainting helped sway the vote or if my project was just that brilliant, but I did not appreciate it when the principle announced, “For our third place winner, we have our fainting scientist Richard Timothy!” But when they gave me that big shiny ribbon I really didn’t mind him saying that.
I believe my favorite experiment was the mini distillery, I mean fuel creation experiment. I was in 5th grade at the time and one of the 6th graders made a tiny distillery to make what he claimed was an alternative fuel source. He had all the components set up including an open flame Bunsen burner. He showed everyone that showed up at his booth how, if he took certain items and put them together, he could create an “alternative fuel” source.
Sugar coat it all you want, but the fact of the matter is that kid was making moonshine… which, if you stop and think about it, is rather impressive in its own right. Personally, I was amazed that the faculty didn’t confiscated it and set it up in the teachers lounge next to the Mr. Coffee.
Yeah, things have changed a bit in the school systems from when I was a kid. Are they better, who can really say? I mean sure they aren’t allowed to play with cigarettes, moonshine, open flames, or liquid mercury in the name of science, but then again that might not be a bad thing.
For the record, I do still have all my fingers and toes, and I only once burned down a small portion of my neighbor’s fence… by accident. I did learn first hand why adults tell you not to play with matches, and I haven’t burned down anything since. So there, lesson learned, but then again that’s a different story.
So, do any of you have any boggling science fair experiment stories? I’d be curious to hear what they are.
Image Source:
Google Images, key words: science fair, density liquid, liquid mercury, Danger Mouse, moonshine, and smoking.
![My Not so Present Past]()
by Richard Timothy | Dec 31, 2009 | I Think There's a Point, Observationally Speaking, When I Was a Kid
There are two things that always happen when I tell someone for the first time that I was born on January 1st. The first thing is the verbal exclamation, “Oh, you were a new year’s baby.” or some variation therein. However it is said, it always gets expressed to me that I am, in fact, a “New Year’s baby.”
The second thing that always happens, if people are seeking additional conversation about this, is the story me being born under a bad sign. The story has nothing to do with angels and demons battling over my soul, or how my parents tried to sell the privilege of naming me to the highest bidder on eBay. Nor did I end up being placed in the wrong baby bin, and spent the first 5 years of my life under the assumption that I was the offspring of Peruvian immigrants. No, it’s nothing like any of that. The story is mostly about presents and only a little about me.
This story actually begins long before I before I was born. In Afton, a small town in western Wyoming, there was a tradition of giving gifts to the first baby of the new year. In fact this is a fairly common tradition across the US from what I’ve been told. All the local businesses would donate gifts and then all those presents when to the first child of the new year and its picture was taken and placed in the local paper. It was a tradition that showed community unity and support, and overall just made people feel good. This tradition had been around for years. It was a staple of the community that everyone could count on and looked forward too.
Now take that tradition up to the year before I was born. As the story was relayed to me there was a couple traveling through town on their way home after the holidays. This couple just so happened to be expecting sometime in the near future… or as it turned out immediate future. Say 10 minutes into the future after pulling into town to gas up their car. And this strangers water broke, so did years of community tradition. Yes, these travelers popped out the first baby of the new year.
The thing is, I don’t think the couple really cared about our tradition. Outsiders usually don’t, but damn it, it was the communities tradition and they were not about to let themselves think of themselves and breakers of tradition. The hospital and present donors had a debate on how to handle the gift distribution. The people were not part of the community, but the tradition never had specified what to do in this type of situation. Eventually the decision was made that in order to keep to community tradition, but to also be fair, the gifts would be split up. Half went to the “strangers” and the other half would be given to the “local” first baby of the new year.
Because of the conflict between the traditionalists and communalists it was decided that this tradition was creating contention and separation in the community and should be disbanded. All debaters involved agreed and the tradition of giving gifts to the first baby of the new year was dissolved.
Now move ahead one year to January 1, 1974 the evening where I made my grand entrance onto this little ball of earth. As my little screams filled the delivery room, discussion started about the tradition that use to be in place were the first baby of the new year would be given gifts from the community, and what a wonderful tradition it was. The conversations were carried around town. Apparently, there was even a meeting.
Everyone seemed to agree, it was a great tradition to hold on to. Thus it was brought back so that the next year’s first baby of the new year would be bestowed with a bounty of gifts.
And that was it. I mean, I still got my picture in the paper, so that was nice. Granted, I was a sleep so I really don’t remember, nor would I had I been awake. But I have a copy of the newspaper article with my picture in it that was cut out and glued in one of my baby books.
So, there you have it, every year before I was born and every year after, the tradition has been alive and in full effect. Did I care? Did this even result in me sending therapy bills to the city of Afton? I was a baby. Of course I didn’t care. All I was able to handle at that point in my life was eating, pooping, sleeping, and crying in the event one of those first three things was out of sync.
So do I believe it? My being born under a bad sign I mean. No, not at all. The truth is, well, my truth is, is that my grand entrance onto this planet got people talking and working together again. They reinstated a dead tradition that made a small town happy. And since my birth is has continued to make people happy, even after all these years. Yeah, I’m pretty bad ass. Besides, it makes a pretty good story, and a true story at that.
Cheers and Happy New Year! Oh, and you’re welcome.
So, any thoughts? Any traditional mishaps rectified or dismissed as a result of your birth?
Image Source:
Google Image, key words: new years baby, group hug, and Afton Wyoming.
![My Not so Present Past]()
by Richard Timothy | Dec 16, 2009 | Observationally Speaking, When I Was a Kid
This past Sunday was another snowfall day, which some people say is good because we need the moisture… or something. All I can say is at least there wasn’t 14 inches of the stuff, I think it was about 5, but it was that really thick and heavy snow. The kind Buddy would tell you makes the best snowballs. Which is sort of want I want to talk about. I say sort of because I know at some point this tangent is going to get lost in another tangent and then you’ll go off on a tangent wondering what the hell I’m talking about. Then there we’ll all be… three tangents to the wind… whew, I don’t know about you, but I could sure use a drink.
It’s not so much the snowballs I want to talk about, it’s more, it’s… ok so here’s what happened. My cutie-baby-sweetie-pie-wifey-pooh and I were heading to my parents house for dinner. It’s a monthly ritual we do on the second Sunday of each month. As we were heading out of the neighborhood I saw a group of kids with these little plastic devices in their hands. They looked like plastic sticks with a cup at the end. Then I saw the kids sticking the cup end in the snow and then they’d wield the stick as if they were about to throw it at their friends. They would stop at the last second, still holding the stick, but the packed snow in the cup would fly out of it towards on of the other kids.
Yep, it was a damn snowball making and dispensing weapon of mass destruction… or snowballing, and it’s probably only minor snowballing at that. “Those lazy little buggers!” was the first thing out of my mouth. My cutie-baby-sweetie-pie-wifey-pooh looked over to see what I was referring to and laughed.
I mean sure, hooray for progression (insert waving flag here), but, well, I’m not sure if I was bothered by this because those kids were missing out on a key part of the growing up in a snow visited climate experience, which is making snowballs by hand. Then again maybe it was because I never had the option of having one of those while growing up, and the memory of the many evenings of painfully numb fingers being warmed by the fire because of day long snowball fights left me a little bitter. Regardless the reason, it just wasn’t fair… stupid cheap plastic snowball maker things.
This did get me thinking about the whole, “When I was a kid…” train of though. Problem with that train is that eventually you are going to derail and end up taking out a small plastic building in the process, or maybe falling on your keys. Either way there chance you might need a band-aid at the end is pretty high, or at the very least, a nap.
I started thinking about a spoken word piece by Ernie Cline I had heard a few years back that takes on this whole “When I was a kid” topic, but from my generations point of view. I hope you like it… enjoy. 
Take it away Ernie… Actually wait a second Ernie. I think I should point out that this piece does contain some NSFW language in it, unless your a sailor. So if you are of the disposition you might want to have your kids, or your grandparents that do not have an appreciation for tourettes language, follow the Storm Troopers example, namely the one in the back. Also, if you have an abrasion to colorful metaphors, you might want to skip it yourself. Ok, so now you can take it away Ernie!
Ahh, bugger, there’s no video of Ernie performing this piece himself, just some poser putz. Ok actually click here to go to his site and listen to an audit recording of this piece. It’s even written out as well so you can follow along, if you want too.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the little snowball maker sticks can fall into obscurity, along with really thick florescent yellow shoe laces, and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Cereal. I don’t care, and it has nothing to do with asking one of the neighbor kids if I could borrow his snowball maker for a minute to try and him saying no… I’m still going to call his mother. No, it was the realization that I was outside in the bloody snow attempting to research the equivalent of a Texas sized ball and cup game without the damn string.
Lesson learned, I hope, because I’m not going out to play in the snow again.
All snow related things put aside, I just wanted to say today is going to be a fabulous day! Sure it sounds a little Doctor Seussian, which only makes today that much better, but I am going to see some RiffTrax tonight, at a theater! I you have the time and are in a location with a theater that this even is being streamed to, go check it out. It should be brilliant. I’ll let you know what I though about it tomorrow.
What are some products out there that you have seen that are making the young people of today more lazy?
Image Sources:
Google Images, key words: buddy elf, throwing snowballs, hands in snow, hear no evil, and cup ball string.
Still, in looking back, there were some things that… let’s just say I’m amazed what we got away with. Case and point, one girl did a presentation on the evil, wicked, mean, and bad, and nasty chemicals that the human body takes in from smoking cigarettes. The experiment consisted of the presenter starting their presentation by opening all of the windows in the classroom. Then she reached into a plastic bag and pulled out a new, unopened pack of cigarettes and lit up.
Now let’s talk about my 6th grade science project. I didn’t have cable growing up. I only had three channels, ABC, CBS, and NBC, and that was it. Although, occasionally I did go to a friends house after school to watch Danger Mouse and You Can’t Do That on Television on Nickelodeon. It was during one of these after school viewings that I came across Bill Nye the Science Guy who was doing a presentation on density.
I thought it was fascinating, but only because he had a cylinder of four different liquids that were all different densities and thus had four different layers of liquid in the same container. Then he would drop random objects into the cylinder that would float on the different levels of liquid. It didn’t really get it at first, but it was cool to watch.
I was a 12 year old that had access to a vial of liquid mercury. I got to take to school, unsupervised, and show all my friends. We even played with it in our hands before and after I cleaned up my presentation… because liquid metal when you are 12 is just pretty damn cool. And no, I did not wear any protective gloves… I was 12. The finer points of how liquid mercury could possibly kill me if I handled it wrong was sort of lost on me.
Sugar coat it all you want, but the fact of the matter is that kid was making moonshine… which, if you stop and think about it, is rather impressive in its own right. Personally, I was amazed that the faculty didn’t confiscated it and set it up in the teachers lounge next to the Mr. Coffee.
