With today being my 5 year wedding anniversary, I wanted to do something with a little more sensitivity than just saying Happy Anniversary, so to sweetie-baby-cutie-pie-wifey-pooh let me just say: It was only half a decade ago today that my life was forever altered like a magnificent unicorn with a pair of lavender colored crystal wings body surfing on a was rainbow wave of flowers and heart shaped boxes of Godiva chocolates. As we shared our vows with one another, the sky was filled with the joyful tears of 1000 cupids happily weeping, as they contemplated retiring since they would never ever again be part of a match so perfect. Every time I think of that day it is as if the Goddess Gaia herself etched our love into the fabric of time to resonate to future generations on Earth and throughout the cosmos so it could be a beacon of truth that love exists and is attainable.

So today, as I look back at the past 5 years, if I could I would create a chariot or love, made out of agarwood with silver inlays, and emerald trim, drawn by a million giant butterflies all attached by a harness made from the hair of every My Little Pony ever created. Then I would don a golden spray tan and cover myself in a toga made from Michael the Archangel’s own silk robe and then circle the globe professing to every living thing on this planet that this day forever be remembered and cherished until the end of time itself. So, umm, yeah. Happy Anniversary and stuff, honey.