Smirkfinition, Redefining Common Words – Part 2

by Richard Timothy | Sep 27, 2011 | Fiction, Observationally Speaking, Redefined

With September almost at an end what better way to wrap up this month revisiting my Smirkfinition concept, focusing on words that I’ve a few words I’ve used in the Smirks I’ve posted this month. For those not familiar with the term Smirkfinition, well, there are many words out there that, when left to my own devices, create a fair amount of personal amusement. I’m visiting these words and giving them a new … nay a Smirk definition; hopefully you’ll find them as entertaining as I do.

Reverend
Reverend, pronounced rev-er-end, is the practice of revving your vehicles (car, truck, motorcycle, something with an engine) engine before turning it off. The counterpart to this work is revelry, which is revving your engine over and over again after first starting it up. Traditionally this only took place on cold mornings. In later years this practice has evolved into an action commonly performed by men when other men are around to show their dominance and fearlessness, unfortunately the female portion consider this obnoxious, rude, and how they gage the mental development of the man in the car. The more revs the lower their mental development.

Note: It should be noted that these men are always good for a free drink and probably have a container of chilled wine coolers already in their car, although it is not recommend that you get in the guy’s car to consume said wine cooler.

Wedding
The word wedding is a slang term for a specific time used by monks in the late 18th century. The first part of the word identifies the day, in this case Wednesday. The second portion of the word, ding, equates to the church bells, specifically then all the bells in the church would ring, which was traditionally at noon. So in short, wedding quite literally translates into “Wednesday at noon”.

Perform
Perform is what everyone who has ever acted in the musical Cats has accomplished. Simply put it is when a person it acting like a cat and while holding a feline pose they purr.

Note: Technically it should be “purform”, but due to a misprint that appeared on the Broadway poster for cats, which said, “The cast perform with grace and brilliance.” was originally said as, “The cast purform with grace and brilliance.” The writers inability or correctly translate can be blamed on the southern accent of the person who was quoted.

Bride
Bride is the activity the couple usually engages in on the wedding night.

Groom
Groom was originally the location where the bride was supposed to take place.

Honeymoon
Honeymoon is the act when your significant, commonly referred to as “your honey” engages in the comical debauchery of flashing you their unclothed buttocks. This comes from the verb moon, as in to moon someone, which holds no regulations towards who one is flashing their exposed gluteus maximus at. In the case of a honeymoon, the mooning action is reserved for the mooner’s “honey”.

Matrimony
Matrimony is a form of barter currency that originated during the Great Depression where mattresses were used as a form of cash. Later this term evolved with the times and is now used to describe the mattresses that people stuff full of cash.

Flying
Flying is the anti-potty mouth term used to emphasize the negative emotion people feel when they are lied to. The f constitutes the (according to Americans) the queen mother of all dirty words. The f dash, dash, dash word … as in f#%! If someone opposed to the specifics of profanity discovers someone is lying to them, apart from getting a wee bit annoyed, they may let the person know that they know the person is flying to them (aka f’ing lying). Other forms of this word include referring to the person telling the lie as a flyer (aka f’ing liar), or that someone is telling them a fly (aka f’ing lie). Apparently people opposed to profanity have no problem inferring profanity just as long as the specific words of profanity are not spoken.

And that brings this installment of my Smirkfinitions to a close. As you can see, when it comes to defining words in a completely inaccurate manner, I have a gift … or curse, depending on how you choose to look at it. I hope you enjoyed them.

Image Sources:
Google Images, keywords: Dictionary, church bells, and surprised bride.

© Richard Timothy 2011

Smirkfinitions, Redefining Common Words – Part 1

by Richard Timothy | Aug 9, 2011 | Fiction, Observationally Speaking, Redefined

There are many words out there that, when left to my own devices, create a fair amount of personal amusement. I figured for today’s Smirk I would visit some of those words and give a Smirk definition, and hopefully you’ll find them as entertaining as I do.

Shampoo
One word that always gets an adolescent giggle out of me is the word shampoo. We all know what shampoo is, it’s the combination of sham and poo, which, when combined translates into “pretended feces.” Now how this stuff is supposed to get your hair clean is beyond me, but I certainly understand the warning to keep it out of your eyes.

Intervention
The word intervention is the part in the invention process where the thought for the invention is still being developed internally. Some might claim that this is simply the idea phase, but there is a difference. You can have an idea that leads to an invention, but at some point between the idea and end product there is a space where the idea moves to an “I could create this and this is how” intellectual exercise and it’s in that mental invention creation where the intervention happens.

Pilot
At first glance pilot can be a tricky word. Many people mistake it for the word pielot, which is defined as a lot for storing pies. Pilot is actually a mathematical term used for complicated formulas that require a lot of pi’s to be used in the development of the equation.

Cantaloupe
Cantaloupe was originally used by detectives at Scotland Yard before magnifying glasses became standard issue to all graduates. A loupe is a magnifying glass without the handle and was once standard issue in every detective kit. The problem was that as crime scenes became bigger and bigger, so did the need to magnify larger areas to look for clues. A loupe was no longer an efficient tool. Cantaloupe became a standard word during investigations when a crime scene needed to be closely observed, but using a loupe proved to be ineffective. “I can’t loupe this entire area,” was soon shortened to just “cantaloupe”. Eventually it became slang for the phrase “finding a needle in a haystack.” How it became a word for a tasty round fruit … I have no idea.

Monogamy
Some humans have an affinity for going out and killing woodland creatures for the purpose of using the killed animal for food. These people religiously use the word monogamy as a way to describe certain flavor components in the meat of the animal they killed. Monogamy means that the flavor from the animal only has one (mono) component of gamy flavor within the meat once it is cooked and ingested. Monogamy meat is considered much more desirous than a dualgamy or trigamy meat. Apparently the less gamy it is the better.

Quiz
Quiz originates from the rare restroom phenomenon where five people enter a public restroom and begin urinating at the same time. It derives from the combination of “quintuplet” and the slang word “wiz.” An interesting bit of trivia about this word: The first use of the phrase “pop quiz” took place in a math class and did, in fact, create a quiz phenomenon within the class room for five very unprepared students.

Relate
This one is actually quite simple. Relate is the act of being late over and over again.

Revolution
Revolution is an old maritime word used by pirates to loot in a circular pattern. When they would board a ship they would begin looting at one spot and then move in a large circle looting everything of value in their path until they returned to their starting location.

And that bring my Smirk definitions to a close. As you can see, when it comes to defining words in a completely inaccurate manner, I have a way of keeping myself pretty entertained. Clearly this is not an all-inclusive list, and I do hope that no one from a non-English speaking country decides to use this as a vocabulary list for their English class they are teaching. Anyway, there you have it, a few words that have had their definition Smirked. I hope you enjoyed them.

Let me know what you think. If I get enough supportive feedback, I’ll be sure to revisit this topic from time to time.

Image Sources:
Google Images, keywords: dictionary, a loupe, and running late.

© Richard Timothy 2011